“One of the most helpful things for me was being told that a diagnosis isn't an instruction manual - it's a lens. Nothing suddenly needs fixing. It's information that helps you reinterpret your past with more compassion and make better choices going forward.”
Autistic Advocate and Businesswoman Sara Ailish McLoughlin
1. Learn About Autism From Reliable, Neuroaffirming Sources
Start with information that is respectful, research-informed, and grounded in lived experience.
Look for:
- Neurodiversity-affirming frameworks
- Trauma-informed perspectives
- Autistic professionals
Click here for more Resources
2. Honor the Grief
Many adults experience profound grief after diagnosis.
Grief for:
- The child who wasn’t understood
- The support you didn’t receive
- The years spent masking
- Opportunities that felt harder than they needed to be
Keynote Speaker, Advocate and Activist Nicole LeBlanc describes this beautifully: “With grief, I thought about how much better things would have been if I was diagnosed properly - being accepted by relatives, siblings, my parents. Maybe people would have been tolerant of my quirks instead of turning everything into an argument. As a kid I felt like a burden, an outcast, and I always wished to be normal. I always felt like a weird, odd, kid. They never thought, 'Could she actually be autistic?'"
Storyteller, Consultant, and Speaker Dennis Tran shares a similar experience: “[The autism diagnosis] gave me clarity, but also gave me grief of the years I struggled, the years of this potential opportunities or life I could be living if I had known sooner, or whatnot, and it's just a kind of version of myself that no longer exists… But the diagnosis also gave me language to access information that I never had, and so that information helped me advocate for myself. If you don't know who you are, you can't really advocate for yourself, and that's when you get taken advantage of.”
Grief and clarity can coexist.
As Dennis Tran also says: “Once you identify your autism, take time for yourself and connect with [the autism] community. Give yourself grace and self-compassion because it's a lengthy process, there's a lot of grieving, there's a lot of learning that you have to do but, but also unlearning. There's a lot of information overload… It's a lot of nuances to grapple with all that stuff, and it's not going to be easy. It took me, like, 5 years to kind of fully grasp what was going on.”
You do not have to figure this out quickly.”
3. Find an Autism-Informed, Trauma-Informed Therapist
If possible, work with a mental health practitioner who:
- Understands autism in adults
- Understands masking and burnout
- Is trauma-informed
- Does not view autism as something to “fix”
Many late-diagnosed adults carry complex trauma from years of misunderstanding, invalidation, or chronic stress. Processing your diagnosis in therapy can be deeply healing.
4. Connect With the Autistic Community
Isolation decreases when you meet people who think and feel like you do.
Join:
- Autistic-led support groups
- Safe online communities
- Local adult social groups
- Advocacy organizations
As Sara Ailish McLoughlin advises: “To someone newly diagnosed: take your time. You don't need to disclose immediately, explain yourself to everyone, or make big life changes all at once. Learn what helps regulate you, what drains you, and what you've been compensating for. And seek out autistic voices - not just clinical ones. Lived experience will often make more sense than any report.”
In community, many people move from self-questioning to self-understanding.
5. Learn About Sensory Needs
Many adults only recognize their sensory profile after diagnosis.
Dennis Tran shares: “I think my diagnosis made me aware of the sensory stuff that I was feeling because I just didn't know why I was annoyed with some certain sound or something like that. . Or sometimes I couldn't feel things unless it was a very intense emotion.”
You might begin to notice:
- Light sensitivity
- Sound overwhelm
- Texture aversions
- Interoceptive differences
- Sensory-seeking patterns
Learning your sensory needs is not indulgent — it is regulatory. Small adjustments (lighting, clothing, headphones, movement, pressure input) can significantly reduce daily stress and exhaustion.Learning your sensory needs is not indulgent — it is regulatory. Small adjustments (lighting, clothing, headphones, movement, pressure input) can significantly reduce daily stress and exhaustion.
6. Get Support for Executive Functioning Challenges
Many late-diagnosed adults realize how much energy they’ve spent surviving executive functioning demands.
Nicole LeBlanc says: “People are less tolerant of people labeled as “high functioning”. We, with autism, deserve not to be in survival mode all the time! We need support! Executive functioning is so hard. I need external supports for cleaning, organizing, using the oven without burning the place down, I cannot take a COVID test on my own, I need support finding doctors."
Executive functioning challenges are not a personal failure.
Needing reminders, body doubling, written instructions, coaching, visual systems, or outside accountability does not mean you are lazy or incapable. It means your brain benefits from external structure.
Support is not weakness. It is access.
7. Understand Co-Occurring Conditions
Autism frequently co-occurs with:
- ADHD
- Anxiety
- Depression
- PTSD
- OCD
- Eating differences
- GI Conditions
- Sleep disorders
Nicole LeBlanc commented, “Just because most of us look normal doesn’t mean we feel normal. If you want to cure something, let’s work on anxiety, GI conditions, PTSD, insomnia…let’s figure out way to get our body out of flight or flight.”
Sometimes previous diagnoses make more sense through an autistic lens. Sometimes new assessments are helpful. Understanding your full profile allows for more accurate supports.
8. Consider the Cultural Lens You Grew Up In
Our understanding of autism is influenced by our culture.
Dennis Tran reflects: “I grew up low-income in the BIPOC community and a lot of the time in my culture – Vietnamese in particular and Asian in general - there's a lot of stigma around mental health, disability, neurodiversity. It's not often talked about. It's always about shame. It's a curse. It's bad… There's a religious aspect to all of it. There's a lot of blame, self-blame as well… Neurodivergence is disguised as ‘this person's just lazy,’ or ‘this person's not working hard enough.’”
If you grew up in a culture where disability was stigmatized, minimized, spiritualized, or blamed, diagnosis can bring up layers of internalized shame.
That shame was learned. It is not inherent to you.
9. You May Explore Gender Identity or Sexuality
Many adults notice connections between neurodivergence and identity exploration.
Dennis Tran shares: “[After you're diagnosed] you connect with a lot of neurodivergent folks, many of whom are queer, right? Then for me it was like, hey, if I'm attracted to another neurodivergent person who identifies as queer, I can't be straight then because they're queer, so then I must be queer. So it's like, [getting diagnosed as an adult] comes with an understanding of myself. That's when I realized I'm also queer.”
There is no requirement to question your identity. But for some, diagnosis creates space for deeper self-understanding across multiple domains.
10. Know Your Legal Rights
Once you receive your autism diagnosis, you may consider asking for accommodations in the workplace. In some cases, those accommodations may be provided without going through an official application process. However, you may also be asked to fill out paperwork to apply for the accommodation. In that case, you may be asked to provide proof of your diagnosis.
Dr. Jenny Kupferstein, autistic autism researcher, emphasizes: “It's important to ask for a diagnostic 1-pager [in addition to the full neuropsych report], to use as ‘evidence’ of the diagnosis without having to share the entire report.”
You are entitled to:
- “Reasonable” Workplace Accommodations
- Educational Accommodations
- Access supports
It is essential to acknowledge that you are not required to disclose your diagnosis to anyone. This is a personal choice. It must also be stated that receiving an official autism diagnosis is not accessible to everyone due to both physical and financial barriers.
11. Advocacy Becomes Possible When You Have Language
Dennis Tran shared: “But the diagnosis also gave me language to access information that I never had… If you don't know who you are, you can't really advocate for yourself, and that's when you get taken advantage of.”
When you understand your needs:
- You can request accommodations
- You can set boundaries
- You can decline environments that harm you
- You can choose relationships that feel regulating
Self-knowledge is protective.
If you would like to learn more about the adult programming that The Autism Project provides, please visit our “Adult Programming” tab.
